(ITA - 2003 - 1a fase)About MenCard SharksBy Erick

(ITA - 2003 - 1a fase)

About Men

 

Card Sharks

By Erick Lundegaard

If all my relatives suddenly died and all my friendships dried up and all of my subscriptions were cancelled and all of my bills were paid, I    (I)    guaranteed mail - two pieces a week, by my estimation - ²for the credit card companies    (II)    me. They are the one constant in my ever-changing life. They are ¹hot for what they think lies in my wallet. They are not just ¹hot for me, either. I realize this. They want everyone, send mail to everyone. Everyone, that is, except those who need them most.

The absurdity in my case is the ³puny sum being sought. I work in a bookstore warehouse, lugging boxes and books around, at $8 per hour for 25 hours per week. That's roughly $10,000 per year. One would think that such a number could not possibly interest massive, internetted corporations and conglomerations. ¹¹Yet they all vie for my attention. Visa, Mastercard, Discover Card - it doesn't matter - American Express, People's Bank, Citibank, Household Bank F.S.B., Choice, the GM Card, Norwest, Chevy Chase F.S.B. Not only am I preapproved, they tell me I'II have no annual fee. Their A.P.R. keeps dipping, like an auction in reverse, as each strives to undercut the other: from 14.98 to 9.98 to, now, 6.98 percent. I am titillated with each ⁹newer, lower number, as if it were an inverse indication of my self-worth.

(...)

At some point, in passing from computer to computer, my name even got smudged, so now many of the offers are coming not to Erik A. Lundegaard but to Erik A. Lundefreen. He may not exist, but ¹⁰he has already been preapproved for a $4,200 credit line on one of America's best credit card values. After several of these letters, I began to wonder: What if Erik A. Lundefreen did sign up for their cards? What if he went on a major spending ⁴spree, maxing them out and never paying them off? What would happen when the authorities finally arrived at his door?

(...)

In the old days, it was necessary to hide behind trees or inside farmhouses to ⁵outwit the authorities. Now it seems there's no better hiding place than an improperly spelled, computer-generated name. ⁸It is the ultimate camouflage for our bureaucratic age.

Meanwhile, the offers keep coming. A $2,000 credit line, a $3,000 credit line, a $5,000 credit line. If a ⁶paltry income can't keep them away, what will? Death? Probably not even death. I'll be six feet under and still receiving mail. "Dear Mr. Lundefreen. Membership criteria are becoming increasingly ⁷stringent. You, however, have demonstrated exceptional financial responsibility. Sign up now for this once in a lifetime offer."

A.P.R. = Annual Percentage Rate

 

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